Why Would I Want to Read This?

I have no clue. Maybe you know me. Maybe you follow me somewhere. Maybe you’re an enemy looking for dirt or whatever. No matter why you’re here, you will be disappointed unless you like reading the vain musings of a 35 year old who got bit by a bug, got failed by his liver, flirted with death a bit hard, and is maybe getting better. Not that this is about that. This is a crisis that I’m monetizing.

If all of that interests you, great. If not, I’ll take your money anyway. I can’t promise you any good advice - medical, relationship, business, psychological. I am a man who almost died because of a bug so I’m not exactly batting a thousand. I can’t promise you that I’ll stay on topic, because it’s likely that what is interesting to you - my illness - is boring to me. I’ll write about it a bit, or a lot, or at whatever frequency I can attention and body allowing.

What I can promise is that I’ll write what I want and probably a good amount of it. I’m generally considered to be a good writer and am likely to continue to be so for a bit.

A wonderful aspect of my ongoing illness is a sort of degenerative dementia caused by ammonia building up in my brain. It may reverse as I recover. It may not. As I lose my mind, whether temporarily or permanently, I’m losing skills and memories and Writing was always something I did for money, or to get praise and attention. This is all still that, but I’ve never really written what I wanted just for me without adopting some character or aloofness that makes it outside of me. No journals, nothing really earnest, nothing with even a little bit of disregard for the audience. It was always something I would get around to. Well, like most deadlines, this one came up faster than I realized and it’s kind of a last girl at the bar at last call type situation.

Also, facing possible death and/or permanent mental impairment, it would be very much out of character for me to have written more for other people than me.

You can probably guess at a lot of the content here if there are things you want or need to avoid for any reason. If I think I’m writing out of bounds of that I’ll try to give you a warning. I’m a pretty dull edge. I don’t get off on being transgressive or shocking people. I promise I’ll never fuck you sideways with the N word or whatever the reactionary tantrum of the day is.

If you subscribe and whatever I write helps you, I’ll be truly glad of that. If it entertains you, that’s also great. If it makes you sad I’m sorry unless you’re the kind of person who derives joy from sad things. If it makes you feel connected, I know that need.

You’ll definitely help me by subscribing: A. because I’m pretty broke and still can’t work in the traditional sense; and B. because even though I don’t intend to be writing for an audience, it does help to know you’re there.

I’ll update often, and maybe add some other things. If you really want to hear about something enough, it’s worth asking. You might give me an idea or bump something up the list. I also don’t mind answering questions if I can.

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Disclaimers and such

Don’t take medical advice from me. Don’t do anything illegal even if I did it, and if I say I did it I’m probably lying. I’m going to change the names of some people, the innocent ones anyway. Some of these posts may present characters that bear similarities to people living or dead, but boy would that be a coincidence.

I know my mom is eventually going to see this but let’s let her discover it on her own yeah? Also my employer is my wife so you probably can’t get me fired.